Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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