The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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