New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
