i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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