i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
