She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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