don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
