Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
