I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
