well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
