i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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