Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
