He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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