My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
