I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
