I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
