Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize