so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Every concussion has its silver lining
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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