Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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