You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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