I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
