new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
MIDGETS
????
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
