If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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