When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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