i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
