he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
