There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
