I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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