Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
