before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Randomize
