just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
