I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
