put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
