Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
