dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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