i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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