He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
