dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
