bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
is wine microwaveable?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize