im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My dick has a subreddit
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
