uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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