you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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