the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
