Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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