turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
