is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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