I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Boobs speak an international language.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
