If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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