your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
