Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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