I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
