i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize