we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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