I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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