I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
