i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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