So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize