Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
There was a lot of him and a little penis
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
