She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
