I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize