How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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