Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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