Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
