I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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