i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize