Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
