You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
